Healing is not Easy, but it is Necessary
About 6 months ago I had a run-in with a fellow student. I commented on a very touchy subject that she took offense to. Her reaction was to lash out and question my abilities which was extremely hurtful. I truly was taken aback as her comments were so much harsher than they needed to be and my comments were not personal, however, hers were.
What I have been learning over the past few months is that healing takes place at many levels. Not only do we have physical healing of pain, skin eruptions and such, but the most important kind of healing is at the emotional and mental level. This interaction with the student rattled me quite a bit, causing me to take a deeper look at myself and see why it was affecting me so profoundly. Why should I care that this almost stranger was saying mean things? Wasn’t I better than that?
Time passed and things got a little better, but there was always this hostility toward me. It was starting to affect me physically as the night before class weekend my legs and feet would swell up and retain water. It was getting painful. Then I would have burning pain in my feet, especially my toes. This happened every Thursday before class and went away Monday after class. I had no idea the animosity created between the 2 of us was causing these physical issues.
2 weeks ago, this person decided she needed to take a step back from school and focus on her family. At first, I admit I was elated. I was elated beyond belief as I too was considering dropping into the next class because her energy was affecting me It was causing me not to want to go to class. Mind you, I am extremely passionate about homeopathy and I waited a year to join the class I am in, it would have been a huge blow, but I just couldn’t take it anymore, my body was trying to tell me things were not good but I wasn't listening.
After the elation wore off, I was genuinely heartbroken. Not for me, but for her. All of us in the class got here for different reasons. Many were extremely bad off health wise and homeopathy helped, so we wanted to learn to help others. I felt bad for her. The decision to leave could not have been easy. Even though I was considering it, I just couldn’t do it.
Well, crazy enough, when she wasn’t in class on Friday and I knew she wasn’t going to be, I DID NOT SWELL UP. I had no swelling what-so-ever! It was then that I put 2 and 2 together. The animosity between the 2 of us was affecting me so profoundly! Yay! I thought I was done interacting with her when she sent me a rude message Friday night. I saw it Saturday morning. BAM! By the end of class my legs had swelled up again.
One of my classmates reached out to me and said, “this is a profound healing moment for you Melissa! What a perfect opportunity this person gave you to provide closure and work on the part of you that is being triggered by this." SHE WAS RIGHT!!!! Why was this bothering me so much, why did I even care? Why was this person affecting me in such a physical way when my heart was hurting the most?
That’s when it hit me. Her judgmental, nasty side is the exact person I used to be. I still see it in my self at times, but am trying extremely hard to give people grace. We are all fragile human beings trying to do the absolute best we can. Period. So I sat with it more and was able to feel in my body, where this energy was coming from and what it meant to me. I felt it in the chest. It was like a kick to the chest by a horse. Swift, painful and took my breath away. The exceptional gift this person gave me was the ability to shine a light on myself, looking in the mirror at the things I don’t like about myself. It hasn’t been easy, but I have found it to be necessary and very beneficial. This truly was a gift, rather than the initial hurtful confrontation.
I can’t say that this person will never trigger me again, or someone like her won’t. However, I know that it will never be the same or in the same way again. By recognizing what happened, I have broken the pattern. The energy of this situation will not be repeated so deeply, or in this way.
I urge you to look at situations that arise in your life and see how you can learn from them. What is it about that situation that is causing such distress or anxiety? As the holiday approach, it's the perfect time. Give this gift to yourself, you will be thankful later. Sit with the feeling, where is that feeling showing up for you? Meditation can be a wonderful way to process these energies.
My door is always open, should you want to send an email, send it to firstname.lastname@example.org. Have a beautifully healing day!
Love and light,